Today, The Man won another battle in the War of Oppression. By nightfall, another promising young Black leader was writing his own jail sentence. That upstanding citizen is know to the rest of as Michael Vick. But from this moment forward I will call him Political Prisoner AF7 (codename: Falcon).
The Falcon has been grounded. It appears that the government finds him to be a threat. Instead of allowing him to use his fame and athletic prowess as a launching pad for the next revolution, he will instead be asked to forfeit some of his earnings and potentially spend a period of time behind bars. Falcon, once poised to televise the pending revolution, has had his wings clipped. Little boys all across the country are retiring the Vick jerseys. Grown men all across the country are canceling their subscription to the NFL channel. Women in Atlanta, however, are rejoicing over the fact that their likelihood of contracting herpes from Falcon aka “Ron Mexico” has been reduced dramatically. But overall, America is mourning.
If all ends well, Falcon may be able to make the best of this situation. He can use his time behind bars to read up on animal cruelty. Upon his release, PETA might make him an honorary member. In fact, he may be able to engage the PETA organization and rally them behind many of the issues facing inner city communities across the country…and dare I say the world?!?!
Aside from making peace with his Maker and with the people he pissed off, Falcon might gain a new appreciation for dogs. He might even be able to start a prison football league and play for team called the Penitentiary Puppies. He’ll lead the league in rushing and passing yards. In 10 years, MTV Films will make a movie about this guy if they’re still around.
But for now, Brother Falcon needs our solidarity. As a testament to my commitment to Political Prisoner AF7 and the injustice being done, I hereby take a vow. I vow to refrain from shaving my facial hair until the situation with Political Prisoner AF7 is resolved. Until he is either pardoned by President Bush or given some form of immunity somewhere in the former Soviet Blok.
I will grow my hair as a form of opposition to the injustice being done. I will not cut it until Falcon walks the streets as a free man and continues to make Middle Linebackers wish that they had picked a different day job (or until 2 weeks from today, whichever comes first).
All those with me, speak now or forever hold your peace (or piece, if you’re really gangsta)!
